“Anacondas, don’t eat my cows, take dogs instead!”


Guess what is inside that belly…

In western-central and north-western regions of Brazil, Pantanal and Amazon, areas that concentrate huge farms with thousands and thousands of hectares, each, one new trend is forming; farms in the region are getting dogs.

Yes, they are getting more and more… dogs.

What? Are they getting insane? Bringing dogs to a previously quiet and silent place? What are they thinking?

They’re thinking logically.

Those farmers, through their many farm workers, are bringing as many dogs as they can from surroundings towns and villages, since in those places dogs roam freely, currently so many as like mosquitos in the air (hum, ok, not so much but close).

As a sign of the times, most of those dogs were from larger cities, belonging to people participating on that former fad of that everybody must have a dawg. Now that they realized what reality really is, they are dumping their dogs, as far away as they can from them, so that they could not be accused of animal cruelty. Dog lovers logic.

But why are farmers bringing dogs to their farms?

As a second sign of the times, those regions are being affected by severe climate change, whatever it is; rain in the dry season, no rain in the rainy season, unusual longer periods of draughts, severe floods, and so on.

Well, animals in the area, real animals I mean, the wild animals, are puzzled about what is happening and so they have to relocate to other places in search of a more suitable environment, as well as for shelter, and food.

One of the animals in the region is the Jaguar (Panthera onca), an alpha predator(!).

Jaguar dog eater

“I love dog food!”

Can you guess where this story is going to…?

Well, contrary to what you may be thinking, I’m not going to talk about those beautiful Jaguars (as long as you stay as far from them as you can) since their population numbers are seemingly within the norm according to the people there. (But, yes, what you’re thinking, happens, too, and a lot! You may learm more here)

My point is… Anacondas.

The number of Anacondas in those regions seem to have increased significantly, so much so that many farmers have lost numerous cows due to those giant pythons. And Yes, they are giant, specially when they have so much bovine food for free.

As you can guess, farmers trying to avoid losing their valuable cows (each is worth at least a couple thousand dollars, and they have several thousands) are using those unwanted dogs to feed those Anacondas, instead of with their cows.

They just bring the dogs and release them in the areas nearby their farms in the hope that the Anacondas i the area have a feast with those dogs, instead of their cows. Profit!

“The ability for dogs to actually survive without human help is of no concern to me. Let natural selection sort it out.”
From France

anacondas and dogs

See that large body of water? Anacondas love them; and dogs too!

Why dogs?

Well, dogs are much more palatable (I’m not so sure about the taste but probably Anacondas are not so picky) since they are not so big than a cow and as dogs love to harass people and other animals, well, they get what they ask for.

And, of course, because they’re free for the picking anywhere!

Note to dog lovers

You always say dogs are so smart, so brave, so courageous, so besterers in everything… that, of course, they are not being eaten at all, it’s just our imagination.

Please don’t believe me, just say it’s a gigantic lie and that that is not happening as we speak. You know the truth.

Note to regular people

To normal people out there, please don’t let the dog lover’s associations of the world know about this new trend. They may want to create an international ban on Anacondas in the wild.


This is a true story told to me by a close friend who lives in the region. No joke.

And before you go, take a look again at this:

Giant Anaconda Captured After Eating Neighbour’s Dog

This is Not a Giant Anaconda, as a matter of fact, just a Regular adult Anaconda. There are much bigger ones than that.

Safer than dogs!

Fantastic, isn’t it?

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6 Responses to “Anacondas, don’t eat my cows, take dogs instead!”

  1. anon says:

    My anaconda dont want none unless you got dogs hun! (song qoute)
    Anyways I got 4 right here if theyre hungry. ?

  2. Bravo says:

    Peeing in my pants with this story! Hahaha!

    At least a couple of people will sleep well tonight!

  3. Catherine Barber says:

    We-e-ell, can’t say I’m exactly sorry about dogs getting eaten by anacondas (or by other ‘proper’ wild animals that aren’t people’s pets but just – animals). It’s just fate, innit. Nature red in tooth and claw. Sorry doggists, but there it goes.

  4. Steiny says:

    Brits, be aware!

    Jungle snakes in Britain: Anacondas are on the loose as owners ditch exotic pets because they are struggling to look after them, warn experts

  5. KaD says:

    It would be my prayers answered if something ate the neighborhood barkomatics.

    • MrMAD says:

      Well, perhaps you could “addopt” one (from our previous comments):

      D says:
      June 1, 2016 at 8:56 am

      Irritated, could you find a pet snake, say one that eats small animals, and take it on a walk and if it gets loose near your insane neighbors dog then too bad. It’s terrible these dog lovers have pushed other people into thinking this way. If they can’t control their dogs barking then I can’t control my snakes appetite…

      MrMAD says:
      June 1, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      I had thought something like that in the past. And now I’m gonna share it.

      First let me tell you an occurance I remember.

      A beach goer was in the Santa Monica beach just relaxing on a bench, sitted civilly. A simple, normal guy on the beach. Just by himself. However, he had a pet. A snake pet. A big snake, several feet long, which was all the time under his control and close to him, most of the time around his own neck. He was not pushing it on anybody, nor the snake was threatening anybody. It was just a pet with its owner.

      Guess what? Dog lovers didn’t like it! Their dogs were wandering offleash, of course. They called the police. Cops talked to the guy and said something to him, probably threatened him with some BS law that only applies to whom do not have dogs.

      The guy was not up to any argument on a sunny day on the beach and so he left.

      True story.

      Ok, then back to your suggestion, Irritade could do something similar.

      My idea:

      – Get a snake pet. A big one. The biggest you can find.
      – Get a transparent box that you can fit the snake in. Make tiny holes for breathing.
      – Put it on a skate, a cart, anything like that, over wheels.
      – Start to take the snake in the box on the cart for regular walks around your area.
      – Make it a statement, let everyone see it. Actually, FORCE people to see it: “Do you want to pet my snake? She never killed anybody!“.
      – Do that for a few days untill when most people are fully aware that you have a DANGEROUS snake (it doesn’t even have to be poisonous, but say it is (would anyone challenge that?). And also that it likes to eat dogs, specially noisy dogs, saying it like if it was the most normal thing in the world, just like ODORs do about their mutts).
      – Take a few pictures of your snake like with its big mouth open and facing the camera, or pick one on the internet.

      Now comes the best part:
      – Print signs with the photo of your snake, with some wording like “MY LITTLE SNAKE GOT LOST IN THIS AREA! HAVE YOU SEEN HER? PLEASE HELP ME FIND MY DAUGHTER!”

      Of course you have not lost any snake, you probably already returned it to the pet shop in a city 100 miles away, but now you see no dogs wandering around your area anymore.

      Don’t forget to give a copy, or many, to the building administration.

      Enjoy while you can!
      (but do not be surprised if you, now, receives the visit of a police officer)

      D says:
      June 1, 2016 at 2:25 pm (Edit)

      That just f**king pisses me off, a guy minding his own business, keeping his pet to himself, and stupid loose dogs get to roam freely hiking their legs on everything from beach chairs to bags to even people! this happened to me on vacation, someones dog came and pissed on my beach bag, too bad I didnt have my pepper spray! I hate HATE shit like that!!! And that is a brilliant idea with the snake!

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